I'm eating all of the evidence.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
