I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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