after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
