and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
