If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need a burrito and a hug.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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