You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
