My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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