hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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