So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize