you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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