Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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