I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
