Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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