Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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