Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
