I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
