You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
