hotel room ftw
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
