sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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