My brain says no but my pants say off.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
