A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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