you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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