No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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