ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
