why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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