the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
