Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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