we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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