there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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