how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
