Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
