So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
