Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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