please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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