she was so not down for the gang bang
one might say we're banned from that church
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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