my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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