There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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