I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
