when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
