ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
