some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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