I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
