another moral hangover. fuck.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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