I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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