Can i not drive my cunt home
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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