You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
