I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
