Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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