i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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