i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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