They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
