I bet he comes in French.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
