so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
