Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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