he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
