I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
