You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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