Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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