You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
