my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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