yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
