Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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