You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
