Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There r osticjed everywhere
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
