i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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