you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize