wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
