Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
