I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
