his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
