i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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