About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
