im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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