Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
