he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
