his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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