I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
