uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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