He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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