I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
