Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
