Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize