Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
