I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize