I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
