Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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